Holiday Pause

I’m sitting here in Luna’s room…

It’s easy for me to be thankful right now even in the midst of 2020 where damn near nothing is easy – or enjoyable for that matter. 2020 is a thief of joy, but it’s got nothing on me or the joy I feel this year!!

She’s napping in my arms, the sound of white noise whirring in the background….. and I feel — actually FEEEL my heart swell!!!

That face is everything!

I’ve spent more Christmases than I care to count in the throngs of infertility! Needles, hormones, doctor appointments, ultrasounds, painful treatments, counting days, timing baby makin’, and just plain holding my breath in hopes that a future without all that bullshit would finally arrive -never really knowing if it would actually come… and that time is HERE!!!!

It’s so surreal to me that I finally after a decade of hurt … I finally get to live in a new chapter after it seemed like that last one would never end!!

In the end there’s a part of me that wishes people could feel this. I mean, don’t get me wrong I would never wish infertility or loss on anyone…. but it’s a real rare and special thing to experience parenthood now after so much pain. It makes each giggle and even the smallest insignificant milestone feel like the greatest moment of your life played on a loop!

I think back to those times… and for those out there still struggling…. I believe in miracles, I’m raising one. And that, that’s my wish, my Christmas Wish for anyone struggling to get their happily ever after like I finally have!!!

The Best Christmas Gift Ever!

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