The meantime 

Funny thing about the “meantime”… is that most of our lives are spent waiting. Counting down to the next bigger, better thing.

I feel like I’ve been counting this thing down most of my life!! We’ve managed to put together a pretty sweet situation while waiting to become parents. I mean as far as shit being together goes, we are as close as anyone can hope to be!!!
So what gives???? I get why the universe withheld my wishes until now, I can look back and go “yah ok I guess I get it” we needed to be in the right place (AZ) and have really good jobs, enough money to pay our bills and manage to have excess, we needed time to be just US…. but now!?? I mean what else am I not seeing here!!?

Have I wasted my life just counting down and waiting around for something that’s never going to happen!!?? I’m trying my hardest to be here, in the now, and appreciate and be open to life’s possibilities… and also remain hopeful, and not stress….and FOR FUCKS SAKE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHEN IM SO BUSY TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER IN EVERY OTHER CATEGORY?!????

panting from exhaustion (and not in a good way)

I worry… more often than I can admit that I’m pouring all of my hope into this just to be let down… and to find that the “meantime” was my whole life….

And now that, that grownup outburst of random emotions is over…. I guess I’ll just shut it down. Not much else to do for now.
Dear Tomorrow, please be kind to me, I’m doing the best I can.