AngelMom, TTC

The Neverending Story…

May 11, 2017

So you decide to start a family. It takes a long time to come to this unified decision with your spouse. But finally, you are both buckled in and on board! Then…. things don’t go as planned …..

One of the hardest parts is, the internal battle you fight each month to not give in to the feelings of doubt and sadness. This feeling can be summed up in one image from my 80s childhood.

I struggle to only think good, happy wonderful nice things. I really try to only encourage myself and really pep talk my way into thinking that THIS IS IT!!! I will be pregnant this time!!!!!

And always… like it does the swamp starts to suck me in. I start to talk myself down. It’s a defense mechanism really. I’ve already told the universe precisely what I’m after, I’ve done the work, I’ve prayed, meditated, visualized… and yet the little voice in my head goes “you do realize this could all blow up in your face and you will be back to square one right” “you should prepare yourself if this doesn’t work” ….. and just like Artax…. there is no saving me from these thoughts.

In an effort to drown them instead of me. I am locking them here. In my virtual drawer so that they are muffled and not rolling around my head causing irreparable damage.

This will be it.

I will not let the fear of failure drown me.

I am stronger than my fear and my doubt.

10 thoughts on “The Neverending Story…”

    1. Truly. It has been very helpful to me – though I’ve been a little shy to post it all publicly. I just gotta think of my brave friend Katie who is never afraid to speak her mind with humor and authority!! You inspire me friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I’ve been thinking about that movie the last couple of day. That scene is so tough and if that’s how you’re feeling . . . Shoot. That plain stinks. BUT, you are part of a big, amazing world–and your story is just beginning! I’m looking forward to more posts about your journey. Thank you for sharing it-you will touch more lives than you know.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Been there, done that, know what this journey feel like, including he feeling of happiness that gets dashed just as you are accepting that motherhood is finally beckoning.
    Bt fear not, it will happen xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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