I wrote this excerpt about 6 months ago. Not sure why I didn’t feel comfortable sharing then – maybe I thought I did then something motherhood pulled me away, but it’s perfect. It’s a lovely reminder, a glaring one just how perfect life just is some times!! Some days, it’s like I don’t even realize that life ever existed! The one entrenched in constant pain, longing and rejection- but it did! NOW life’s more of a struggle to make it all count, do all the things, and do them as EXTRA as I possibly can! ❤️ Now, enjoy some insight from “Past Me”.
In the throngs of motherhood life is exhausting. It IS awesome—filled with baby giggles, bubble bath splashes, all the adorable outfits and basically no sleep ever Hahahaha!!! *nervous laughter*
After a particularly grueling day of all the usual 2020 pandemic life BS, I settled my head on a pillow for a quick meditation before relieving my husband from baby duty for bedtime. I picked a seemingly innocuous “motherhood” meditation and hit the play button.
Feeling relaxed and at ease the meditation took a very surprising turn… leading me to look into a snow globe that appeared in my mind. Inside the snow globe I’m told I can “see the exact family I picture in my future. The perfect family.” And that family is the family I am currently a part of. The meditation goes on to remind me that my struggles with infertility are over and that all I feel is pure joy.
It’s never lost on me that I have overcome tremendous struggle to obtain the life I now enjoy. But it is hard and I’m not gonna lie that grateful attitude gets tamped down at times as I struggle to check all the boxes, and meet all the marks I set for myself as a mom and as a human- I’m always too hard on myself and I should practice that daily gratefulness more diligently!