Once Upon A Time Warp…

One thing is certain…. at any moment… of any day ever, everything you know CAN change. One day you might wake up and find that everything you’ve ever dreamed has suddenly come true! That day…. is this day for me.

It blows my mind to think back just one year and how very different things were for me. One year ago I wrote a very difficult passage, about Mother’s Day. My heart was broken, I wanted to believe that good things were coming, but after a decade of things never being different and enduring so much heartache, it was really hard for me to just keep believing! Looking back now, it’s probably one of the best things I’ve ever written. I was proud of myself for being able to share the grit of it all yet still somehow find the hope I needed to keep pushing on.

Today… I look back in amazement one year later. As I frequently do, I wish I could go back and talk to my past self. I wish I could look her in the eyes, and give her a hug and let her know it’s all going to work out- or to keep pushing because you’re almost there!!!! Today, as I peel my eyes open for a 3am feeding … I am a mother!!! My daughter is a mere 3 weeks old, but here I am. On the other side of the rainbow…. and the view is spectacular. I wish I could let my past self know…..

It’s impossible to quantify the emotions and reality that is motherhood. I no longer have any concept of time… all the time before her is now compressed behind me. Just like I had always wished, I can finally close that chapter and that book. The one where we just have to wait, and blindly hope that things will work out because in our case they did! We did a ton of work to make our dreams come true – and at the end we decided to do the work knowing that life, and the universe would deliver the outcome it knew we needed and they may look different than the life we had imagined.

I’m so thankful that I wrote during the hardships we faced. My brain might have archived what it was like to go through that and I’m glad I will always remember the struggle and pain we endured to get here. Life is forever changed, and though it was filled with so much pain – I would do it all again to know the absolute euphoria of watching my daughter drift to sleep on my chest – the only place she cares to sleep.

To anyone struggling to make your dreams come true… I’m living proof that sometimes dreams do come true. Keep believing, keep fighting to make a life you can fall in love with. Tell the Universe to what you want… put it out there and let it figure out the details for you… and love yourself hard while you wait because you’re worth it!

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