TTC

Retraining My Brain….

Sometimes it’s weird, like I live in this weird alternate space where I FORGET that all my dreams are in the process of coming true!!

A day like today probably would have CRUSHED MY SPIRIT HARD in my past life! Let me explain, after work I came home and I’m scrolling through the old internet (Facebook) and in the space of about 10 posts I swiped past 3 separate pregnancy announcements!!! Damn! Poor past me had MANY days like that… and they HURT. I’m still getting used to having a positive emotion when I see that in my feed instead of the preloaded one that used to happen!!

The other day, I walked into the ladies room and there were two women in line – both pregnant… one leaving the stall… pregnant and one washing her hands with her daughter — also PREGNANT. OH!! And me??? “OMG ME TOO – I’M PREGNANT” I thought!!!! How weird, that the first thing I thought of was how a moment like that might have destroyed me in the past. It’s so weird.

The last little story I’ll share, was on Halloween. I was dressed as Chewbacca handing out candy in the front of the house so my poor doggy didn’t go bizzerk every time the doorbell went off, and the neighbor lady came over to introduce herself. I’d never spoken to her before, she’s the mother in law of the gent that lives there. We’ve met him once, and always politely wave to him… even if he’s not wearing a shirt and letting his belly roam free for all the world to see…. 😳 In general though, we are not the “get to know your neighbors- neighbors…. ” so when she came over I was surprised, but friendly. She asked if we had kids, and as I felt the usual response start to come up I realized this was the first time I would actually get to answer this question differently — in over a decade!!!! I get to say YES!!! “Oh! I’m actually pregnant!” I exclaimed and no sooner did the words come out did this complete stranger start coming at my bump with her massagers! “Be cool” I thought, I mean she was old… and nice enough but it was a little odd having a stranger rubbing my belly in pure daylight on a Thursday…. just part of the gig I suppose and I’m here for it!!!

These things, these little moments are exactly what I’ve been waiting for- even if I didn’t know it!! It’s all just a crazy dream to me sometimes, one I better never wake up from!!! So many wonderful moments to hang on to in this, the most wonderful time of my life… that is until April. When it all gets exponentially more awesome-er!!!!!

I feel like I’ve been locked in the same chapter of a book for so long. Stuck in a bad dream… and all of a sudden everything has opened up and feels so much better! This chapter, of this life feels pretty great!

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