Today’s random rant is sponsored by a crippling diet plateau!! For the record, my last Weigh-In SUCKED!!! As did the one before that! Normally I weigh in every two weeks and the expected number is between minus 2-4lbs per week… I lost a grand total of 1b in 3 weeks and it is just the pits!!!
Here’s the thing… please hold all your “oh, but 1lbs is great!” – “at least you didn’t gain” comments cause they’re rubbish right now. Just don’t! Damnit shit is hard at this stage of the game!! I’m so near the end and truly, it’s my own fault the weight hasn’t been coming off. Truth be told I have stolen “bites” of forbidden food from my finished-with-the-diet-husband thinking a bite couldn’t possibly matter… well I’m here to tell you- IT DOES!!! It does matter, because I’m not just casually trying to lose weight! This program is brutal – brutal to be on for a stretch this long and the longer I allow forbidden food in my face -even at nominal amounts the longer it’s gonna take!!
It’s a vicious cycle, and goes something like this:
Me: Gets frustrated and/or jealous of [husband’s] non diet food contraband, steals a bite.
- Bite throws me out of Ketosis – yes even A BITE!!!!
- Ketosis takes up to 4 days to achieve
- After bite of contraband I play by the rules for several days — we’ll say 4 of them….
- Gets back into Ketosis – yay!
- Steals a bite of forbidden food
- DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!
And so it goes…. and yet even with all the frustration– I’m so proud of how far I’ve come!! Which makes it even harder!! I’m told by at least one person every single day how great I look or some other such raving about my changing figure! It feels great – but with each compliment it seems less and less dire for me to continue losing weight!! Ain’t that a bitch!!! 😂
The positive take away from my weigh in, was that I was according to the doc I’m in the largest Ketosis there is… and I intend to keep it that way!!!! I do feel suddenly more motivated to push away from off-program food, just knowing I AM in full Ketosis and I do know how to get and keep it. I just have to be more disciplined.
Today my Facebook reminded me of this old memory, from about 10 years ago. This is my lowest of the low before photo. I don’t ever remember looking this way, and I sure don’t ever want to again. I’ve come so far, and I didn’t come THIS far just to come this far!!!
This journey is one of transformation in every sense of the word. I’m healing, my body and my soul too! Learning how to process feelings in a more constructive way, not translating my feelings into food is a big part of that. I’m learning how to speak, finding my voice and the volume of that voice too! I’m learning to protect my energy, and what it takes to do that. I’ve had to let go of a lot of things to live in the skin I have now– including people that no longer serve a positive purpose. Growth is HARD, exhausting, painful and wonderful…..
And lastly, finding out that YES… I can do this. All of it.
For anyone struggling, for anyone fighting, for anyone hustling to grow into their new future self … I see you. Keep going.
Confessions of an Angel Mom 