TTC

The next life….

Sometimes rest evades me. As much as I long for sleep, rest, and a world where things don’t hurt quite so much… sometimes it just doesn’t happen.

Often on these sleepless nights I find myself drawn to a hot shower in the pitch black. Lighted only by whatever moon happens to be shining valiantly through the high window of my shower… tonight was no different. A glorious crescent moon, with bright glowing edges hung deep in the heavens playfully smiling at me as if to say it would all be ok… sometimes the universe really does try it’s best to lift my tired spirit.

Brought a thought to my mind… recently, in a moment of what we’ll call “weakness” I sought out a pregnancy psychic. Curiosity got the better of me really, I can’t explain why else I would seek this sort of thing out. One thing she said (through her broken Italian to English translation, that is) was the spirit of my unborn child was on its way, but still trying to resolve its “unfinished business” (again the translation was a little spotty I’m guessing that’s what she meant) so that it could be incarnated into the next life (aka my child)….. Do I believe this sort of thing ??? I dunno…. šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø there’s a part of me that would like to??? The more logical.. rational part thinks it’s hooey— but since I can’t pinpoint an actual logical reason for this madness…. fantasy it is.

Looking at this magnificent moon shining down into my window tonight I wonder what that spirit might be up to? What’s keeping it from coming my way? Where is it? Is it possibly under the same moon as me right now? Living some alternate life before heading to me?? Does it see us?? And how much we want it to be here with us??

I dunno… on a particularly low Wednesday the thought is somewhat comforting and also a bit melancholy.

If this sort of thing bares any truth… I sure hope our time is approaching. I sure am exhausted from carrying this load, pretending like it doesn’t hurt-despite my efforts to be true-there’s still a lot of hiding in the shadows I dare show.

Goodnight moon, and goodnight to whatever or whomever it is I am waiting for.

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